It's All Over Now, Baby Blue
by BrilliantDarkness
Summary: Bob Dylan inspired story with Kid returning from the war to find the things awaiting him are not what he expected.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, Just me...this story is something that's been tumbling around my wee little brain for a while and I finally wrote it. I have been horribly insecure about it as a couple of friends can attest from my freaked out e-mails. So I hope you enjoy. It's based on a Dylan song because I am a lunatic so the lyrics follow the story. There's another author's note there and I have some questions for you so please read it and respond because I am really unsure of this.-J**

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><p>Butterflies began to flutter within the man's stomach as he drew closer to the house, his house. 'No,' he thought, 'My home.' The butterflies grew more active the closer he got and he began to realize they were less from excitement than from fear. It had been far too long since he'd seen her and he hadn't even been able to get word to her for so long that he knew she was never expecting to see him again. In fact, he'd only recently discovered that she had been notified of his death. It broke his heart and tore at the very fabric of his soul to think of the pain that would have caused her. He hated that somehow he just kept causing pain to the one person he never wanted to see hurt.<p>

His thoughts drifted back to before he left. She hadn't wanted for him to leave and she'd made that clear but, just as he had learned to step back from what he wanted and allow her to be who she was, she had to learn to give him the same consideration. She tried for a brave face but as he rode off, he turned to see her crumble and her face dissolve into tears. Her letter had come a month later with the news that she was expecting his child. He was never even able to find out if he had a son or daughter. That child would not be a baby anymore.

He paused a moment in that reality. He'd been gone over five years and that would make the child mere months from a fifth birthday. Certainly not a baby anymore and the man once known to all as Kid—although he realized that name no longer fit—slowly dismounted his horse and stood stock still for a moment and wept silently. He had missed all those happy firsts starting of course with his child's first cry upon entering the world. He had not been there to dote on his darling Louise as she carried their child within her, had not been there to assure her that she was beautiful and glowing when she complained she felt fat. His child had taken first steps and said first words without a father there to be amazed at these accomplishments. He wondered what she had told the child about his or her father. Had she been angry and resentful to do this all alone and had that anger and resentment come across in her telling? Or perhaps she had found a way to give the child a heroic father and if she had, could he live up to what she'd created. Would the child be angry to see him or frightened of this stranger?

He dried his eyes and walked on leading the horse along until he saw the house below the hilltop on which he stood. It was just as he remembered and he wondered how she had kept it in such good repair all alone but then he remembered who he was thinking about. If Lou wanted something done, she'd get it done and God help the soul who dared tell her she wouldn't or couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to go down to the house at first. He didn't know what to say or how to say it. He felt almost afraid to speak to her and that did seem odd to him to be so afraid to speak to his own wife but it had been such a long time. The entire way to his home he tried to rehearse in his mind how things would go, what he'd say and how she'd react. In more than one of his imagined scenarios, she slapped him and slammed the door in his face. In his happiest wishings she flung herself into his arms and wept tears of happiness.

He was going over in his head how he would speak to her, the words he would use to tell her he was back and he was sorry he'd ever gone away and that he'd never, ever leave her again when he saw someone exit the house. It was a young boy, about four or five years of age he was too far away to see the boy's bright blue eyes but he recognized his own face when he saw it and knew that was his son. His heart leapt and broke in the same instant. He was overjoyed to see his son but felt crushed by the weight of all he had missed and that he knew nothing of this boy.

The child was barely out the door when he saw her and he nearly ran to her right then and there but something stopped him cold. He wasn't sure which something it was as it might have been the little girl at her heels looking like a miniature of her mother in nearly every way down to the chastising look on her face as she followed behind Lou who was bringing a jacket to the boy. Perhaps though it was the infant in her arms though all he could see of that child was the blonde curls peeking over the edge of the blanket Lou had the babe wrapped in.

The sight before him was like a punch in the gut and he doubled over to try to work air into his lungs. He finally was able to take a deep breath and he closed his eyes for a minute and tried to think. She had thought him dead after all. She had gotten that word before his son was even born. An attractive woman like Louise could have had her pick of men even with a child to raise. He should be glad she hadn't been alone and she looked a natural mother. Was it even fair to believe that she had been sitting and pining for him for all these years? The girl looked to be not quite two so it's not as if she moved on that very next day. Besides, she might be alone now, life being the uncertain thing it was. He sat and watched as she sat on the porch and tilted her face to the sun before smiling at her children playing around her feet and cradling the infant even closer to her body. Kid lost track of how long he watched the scene play out below him so mesmerized was he by her beauty. His memories had not done her justice.

A sound caused him to look up and her to stand. A man came out of the house. He was a tall, muscular blonde man and Lou's face lit up at seeing him walk toward her. The man embraced her and kissed her tenderly and then kissed the infant in her arms as well. He picked up the girl and swung her around in a circle until her giggles carried to the hilltop. The final dagger in his heart was the way the boy—his boy—grabbed the man's hand and pulled him along to whatever they'd had planned for the day.

"Pa!" Kid could hear the call from where he sat and he thought it might do what lead balls and black powder explosions had not been able to do. He thought it might kill him right where he sat.

He thought of the hurt in Lou's eyes when he told her he just had to go. Her words at once pleading and heartbroken and venomous as she wrote him she was with child. He thought of what it must have done to her to get that telegram that he was dead. He knew the times he had hurt her before they were ever married and he'd sworn, not only to her but to himself as well that he'd never be the cause of her tears ever again. But he'd caused her nothing but pain. She was happy. He could see that and he had no right to take that from her.

Slowly he stood and mounted his horse and rode off the way he had come.

**It's All Over Now, Baby Blue**

You must leave now, take what you need, you think will last  
>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun  
>Crying like a fire in the sun<br>Look out the saints are comin' through  
>And it's all over now, Baby Blue<p>

The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense  
>Take what you have gathered from coincidence<br>The empty-handed painter from your streets  
>Is drawing crazy patterns on your sheets<br>This sky, too, is folding under you  
>And it's all over now, Baby Blue<p>

All your seasick sailors, they are rowing home  
>All your reindeer armies, are all going home<br>The lover who just walked out your door  
>Has taken all his blankets from the floor<br>The carpet, too, is moving under you  
>And it's all over now, Baby Blue<p>

Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you  
>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you<br>The vagabond who's rapping at your door  
>Is standing in the clothes that you once wore<br>Strike another match, go start anew  
>And it's all over now, Baby Blue<p>

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><p><strong>So, did we like? I mean not in like a "hey that was fun" sort of thing. I don't mean that you liked it like a hot fudge sundae or anything but did it move you? Okay so I am wondering if it's right to leave it there. I know a couple of my dear faithful readers are Kid lovers and I am sorry it was not too happy for him. My question is...should there be a follow up? Should I explore Lou's side and her life with this new man? Should Kid reveal himself at some point? He may not have a chance to win Lou back but perhaps to have a place in his son's life or at least to even know the child? I feel very unsure of this and what it is. I think ending it there is powerful but is it true to the character or how he would think or feel? I don't typically write Kid very much so I feel maybe I don't have the grasp on him that perhaps I should for writing something like this. Oh all you Kid loving ladies please help me!-J<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Kid sat by his campfire and tried to make sense of what he had seen and what it meant. His first thought was to be angry and jealous but he did the math quickly in his head and figured she had probably believed herself widowed for a year or more before marrying this man, judging by the age of the little girl. Even in the east that would have been considered a respectable period of mourning. In a rugged land like this, women weren't expected to take that much time and no one would even look unkindly upon a woman who remarried quickly. His Louise had mourned him, had grieved for him. He knew he'd have to stop thinking of her as his anything. It hurt though.

He thought perhaps that she didn't really love this man and only married him out of necessity. Perhaps if he revealed himself, she would be relieved to be able to rid herself of this man. He knew that wasn't the case. Even at the distance he had observed her from, he could see her face and he knew her expressions too well. Besides, Lou would not abide being with a man she did not love. There was no way she would allow such a situation to occur. She was too strong. She loved this man and he made her happy.

It still angered him that this man was known to his boy as 'pa'. But then again, wasn't that better than his boy having no pa at all? He knew he was being selfish and unfair but he couldn't really help it. For all of the rational reasons he knew there were for her to have moved on and all of the reasons he should be happy for her, he was in fact, miserable. He knew what he had to do and resolved to do it the next day.

He woke before the sun or at least he rose before the sun for he hadn't any sleep to wake from. He quickly broke camp and began the trek back to what had once been his home. He knew it would take the better part of the day to get back as he'd been pondering what to do for some time and had ridden a ways before setting up the camp and spending the next week pondering his world and where he fit in it. As he was riding, he saw movement ahead and was quick to note that it was the man he had seen with Lou. A hand went to the butt of his gun as he thought of how easily his dilemma could be taken care of and she'd be none the wiser but he just couldn't. It wasn't in him to kill someone in cold blood.

The man spotted him and Kid waved.

The friendly way the man approached made Kid glad he hadn't gone with his first reaction. Kid returned the warm smile offered to him.

"Are you lost?" the man asked.

"I don't think so," Kid replied with an easy tone. "But maybe you can help me out. I'm looking for an old friend of mine. Her name was Louise McCloud and I'd guess she's using that name again since she was widowed."

The man's smile widened, "Actually she's going by Nelson these days, she's my wife."

The man reached a hand, "Lucas Nelson, and can I ask how you know Louise?"

"We rode together for the Pony Express," Kid answered shaking the outstretched hand. "It's been a lot of years."

The man chuckled, "Louise sure was a wild one, wasn't she?" He paused and then added, "She still is. Follow me; I'm sure she'd be glad to see an old friend. I think she misses those days quite a lot."

Kid followed along until his former home came into view and the boy—his son came running to Lucas beaming at him.

"This here's my boy, James," he said and then lowered to a tone the boy would not pick up. "She named him after a friend she said was like a brother to her but she never calls him his name, just the Kid or even just Kid. He's from her first marriage. She was still carrying him I guess when she found out her husband had died. Nearly killed her getting that news from what I heard."

He shook his head at the pain she had endured and a little in awe of the strength she possessed.

"Say," Lucas said not seeming to take note of the fact that Kid hadn't spoken a word the whole time they'd been nearing the house. "If you rode with Louise then you would've known her first husband."

"Yeah, I did," Kid replied, "He was a fool."

The temptation was great to set the horse to a full run and ride off but then he could look down and see those blue eyes. James; it made sense she would have named him after Jimmy. He had been like a brother to her. Kid knew he had misinterpreted the kindness he'd shown her and acted a fool because of it. He knew that both Jimmy and Lou had from time to time gotten confused about what they felt for one another but deep down they both knew it wasn't anything. He was a big brother who would stand by her and support her and help her through her problems and she was a way to atone for how he felt he had failed Celinda and Lydia, his own sisters. Kid could see that now but he'd had years to think on it. He could see why she called the boy Kid. If not for the smaller stature of the child, Kid would've thought he was looking in a mirror when he looked at young James. He wondered how Lucas wasn't seeing it.

Lucas dismounted and began to walk toward the house.

"I'm sorry," he said pausing, "I don't think I got your name."

"Obadiah Chase," Kid said and it was the truth. A risky truth to say out loud because, aside from his mother and brother who were both dead, Lou was the only person on earth who knew that name. Lucas gave an odd look and Kid at first thought that Lucas might know the name or perhaps have known that Lou was Louise Chase when first married.

"That's interesting," he said, "Obadiah is James' middle name."

The look Lucas shot Kid at that moment was full of questions but the man knew Lou's first husband to be dead so he just shook his head as if to clear the crazy thoughts away and headed inside. Kid stayed put not knowing what to expect but feeling best about staying mounted and ready to flee. He didn't know what her mood was going to be but he knew what she was like if anger was the emotion she chose and he knew she was a darned good shot. He jumped when he heard the front door slam shut and braced himself.

Lou didn't look at the man as she marched out with her fists balled at her sides.

"I don't know what kind of sick joke this is," she growled her eyes full of the wildfire that had first caused him to fall in love with her. Even angry, and maybe especially angry, she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. "You have some nerve mister whoever you are. Obadiah Chase is dead; has been for years."

It was only then, standing not five feet from where Kid sat atop his horse that she looked up and saw his face. The maelstrom of emotions that he saw run in her eyes nearly tore Kid to shreds and he thought once more to leave but knew that she'd track him down even if it was only to shoot him for all the hurt he caused her.

"No," she said softly, "No, it can't be. I-I need t-to sit."

And she did, right where she stood, she sat on the ground, her skirts puffing slightly as she descended. She looked up helplessly at him. She remembered the day the telegram came. The words on the page stabbed her and kept stabbing every time she read them and she read them over and over. She thought at first if she let those words hack at her soul for long enough that she could join her husband for surely he was finally somewhere that a war would never part them again. Those were the days that she accepted what was written. Other days she would pretend the message had not come at all and spent hours sitting and watching the horizon for the silhouette of him returning to her. There were even times when she was sure he had and she'd spent more than one afternoon and evening talking to him and telling him of everything he had missed and come night she even felt his arms around her but in the light of a new day, it was clear she had been alone the whole time. Lou knew how close she came to losing all traces of her sanity to the crippling grief. She had managed to think less about that hurt as time went on although she couldn't call her young son James by his given name for he looked too much like the Kid. It was as if God had seen she couldn't live without him and gave her a piece to hold onto. She was successful most days in not thinking about him and more and more the thinking wasn't the same dagger being thrust into her heart that it had once been.

This day had been uneventful and spent minding her children and getting some bread baked until Lucas had come in looking for her.

"Louise, honey," he had called to her, "You'll never guess who I ran into on my way home."

"You're right I won't guess," she smiled and kissed him lightly, "So I won't even try. Who is it?"

"He says he's an old friend from your days with the Pony Express, Obadiah Chase."

Her blood began to boil. So few knew his real name, his real first name anyway and fewer still would ever use it. She had gone back to her maiden name of McCloud before she and Lucas had ever met. Anyone who knew her name and to look for her here would know how hurtful it would be. None of her real friends from that time would have called that ghost to mind and they wouldn't lie about who they were either. She stormed out and confronted the man only to find that the ghost was really there and in her front yard. All those prayers she so desperately sent heavenward after being informed of his death had been answered—five years too late. She wanted to scream or cry or laugh or yell or hit something or even shoot something. But she could make no move or sound. It was like a dream where the monster is chasing and you can't scream or run. Louise sat statue still next to the horse that carried her first love and feeling upon her shoulders the hands of the man who had saved her from madness.

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><p><strong>So, this wasn't a one shot after all. I have no idea how this one ends but I dare to say no one's getting through it without a great deal of pain and someone is going to end it very hurt. I have no idea what I have gotten myself into but I guess it has to be written. And I am still working my way through the 1960's with Livin'. I was just having a talentless day today where that one was concerned and this one kept calling to me. I hope you will all let me know what you think of this because I am really feeling out on a limb here. Oh and OBVIOUSLY I totally made up a name for Kid. I thought since his brother was Jed and therefore probably Jedidiah that a similar and equally biblical name would be appropriate. Yeah I really just pulled it out my bum but I think it works. And I thought since Obadiah is a name without as obvious a nickname as Jedidiah that might be why his family called him The Kid and that then he maybe decided that he didn't like his own name and thought Kid was better. It could happen. My great grandparents lived quite long and had a whole lot of grandchildren and great grandchildren. Even when I was the only one of the greats there, they wouldn't always be able to remember my name so I was often just "The Girl" to them. It didn't mean they didn't love me or anything, just that there were too many names to keep track of. So yeah, that's it for now. Let's see what you all think and if anyone has any ideas for how this one ends. Cuz I sure the heck do not.-J<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

Lou was sitting on the porch staring off to the horizon. Her head tried to tell her that the telegram she'd gotten was as official and certain as seeing her husband's body on a table at the undertaker's but her heart would have none of it. It had been three-maybe four-months since the telegram had come. Obadiah Chase, known to friends and family alike as simply 'Kid', was dead. There was no body to send home but he was dead all the same. She had wanted to die right there on receiving the news and were it not for the shifting movement from her abdomen, she would have believed herself dead. Certainly there would never be joy in her life again; unless, of course, his silhouette was to appear on that horizon.

She had no idea how she'd deal with a baby since she wasn't even doing that good of a job of taking care of herself and she hated herself for thinking that she didn't even care about the thing that much anyway. She had been torn between overjoyed and thoroughly furious when she realized she was expecting Kid's child. She had wanted a child and knew that his child was what she wanted to have more than anything. He left and she thought that dream would be deferred, perhaps forever. But then her monthly stayed away and in its place came sickness. She was elated and it would have been perfect if only he hadn't gone. The letter she wrote him was dripping with her bitterness and anger that she knew stemmed more from fear than anything else. Lou was tough but she wasn't invincible and she'd learned that there was no shame or even weakness in leaning on someone you love from time to time. More than anything, she was frightened of delivering the child. She rarely went into town and knew few people. She wasn't even sure who lived near that might be able to midwife for her. If Kid was there he would have made sure there was someone and even if he couldn't find someone, he would have been there.

She did end the letter with love and prayers for his safe return but then those prayers were not answered. She had gone through the sickness alone and then through the discomfort alone and ultimately when the pains came, she did that alone too; or at least without Kid. She was thankful that she'd been able to get to Mrs. Duncan's before the pains came too close together so there was someone to help deliver and Mrs. Duncan had five children of her own so she was no stranger to childbirth.

After the baby was born, Lou sank almost immediately into a deep depression and held the child only when prodded to feed him. She no longer cared if she lived or died and actually preferred death as it would take her to her dear husband. Mrs. Duncan asked for a name for the child and without thinking Lou answered James Obadiah McCloud. There was no sense if giving him a name she'd never wear again. In time she was convinced to look upon the boy, her son and a flood of tears came to her as she looked into Kid's eyes. There was no mistaking those blue eyes. Lou had spent enough time gazing into those eyes in the time she'd had with him. She'd studied their depths and charted their moods and whims like they were trails through the wilderness. From that day forward, although she knew she sounded strange to everyone around her, she called young James 'The Kid' and sometimes just 'Kid'. He was all she had left of what was to be her long overdue happy ending. She had a childhood nightmares were made of and then had even that cut short by Wicks' brutish actions. She'd had to abandon her sister and brother and live a lie. But then it seemed that things might just be okay. She'd make decent money and be able to collect her siblings and in the process find a new family.

In Emma she'd found the mother she'd lost far too young, in Teaspoon the father she'd never had for where her own father had been cruel and ruthless, Teaspoon was gentle and good hearted. In Rachel she had the big sister she'd never even known she'd been missing and the boys were big brothers at once accepting and approving and protecting. She was safe and she was loved and she was on her way to the simple dream she had of getting her blood family reunited. And she'd even found real love. It was rocky for a bit as Kid was so stuck in his ways and Lou was nobody's possession. She'd be who she was in her heart or be nothing at all. In time he'd accepted her and accepted that he loved her all the more for the free soul she was. Everything seemed perfect. They would fetch Jeremiah and Theresa and live happily ever after with her siblings and their children. But Jeremiah and Theresa were gone when she went for them and then Kid had left her and everything that was supposed to be happy and perfect was just all wrong.

She threw herself into James' happiness still never calling him by his own name but living only for him until she met Lucas. She'd sworn never to love again, less out of obligation to Kid than a fear of getting hurt again. Lucas hadn't tried immediately to woo her and that's probably how he'd gotten close to begin with. She knew he'd wanted to court her but that's not how he approached her. He came as a friend. He didn't treat her like some frail little flower and come offering to take care of her. He offered conversation when she went to town and befriended her son when she went to church Sunday mornings. Eventually she found herself drawn to him, to his sheltering embrace and warm soothing voice and kind eyes. She still was apprehensive and he'd been patient with her but had not given up. At least weekly he had proposed and professed his love and stood by while she held him at arm's length. He'd not come by yet one day when she sat down during the baby's nap and did some serious thinking. She knew that logic said to marry the man. He was kind and good to her son. For Louise McCloud, that was hardly sufficient. So she thought long and hard about how she felt about this man. Her feelings had not been a consideration for so long; it seemed unnatural to even ask herself the question. Her mind made up, she went inside to make the supper she'd invited him for that day. He came and seemed taken aback by the smile on her face. That smile was there all through the meal. Finally he'd had to ask.

"I'm not complaining," he had said, "But what's got you in such a good mood this evening, Louise?"

"Just had a happy thought today," she replied.

"I would love to hear the thought that has you happy," he said.

"I'll just bet you would," she said mischievously.

"Louise," he said, "I know I've told you I love you in the past and I really do so your happiness makes me happy but I really would like to hear the reason."

"I realized something today," she told him, "I determined that I am in love."

"Should I be jealous?" he asked her.

She laughed out loud at him.

"You know, Lucas," she said through her laughter that sounded like music even to her ears for it had been so long since she had heard laughter in her home. "There's something you keep asking me and I think maybe you should give it another try."

Lucas looked baffled momentarily and then he understood and sighed as if hoping this was no trick she was playing on him. He really did love her, she was like no woman he had ever known and he knew that he'd not find another like her no matter how hard he looked. He rose from his seat at the table and crossed to her kneeling before her. He took her hand in his.

"I love you," he said, "I know there are men out there who can make words all flowery and fancy. I can't do that but I can tell you I love you. You are a beautiful woman but more than that, I don't want to see the day I have to live without your company. Please be my wife."

There was silence and for a moment Lucas thought he was not the one she was in love with. Then she spoke.

"I love you too, Lucas," she answered, "Yes, I will marry you."

They embraced and embarked on their life together. Being with Lucas slowly made the hurt fade a little until her loss was just a dull ache. She had not lied when she said she loved Lucas but Teaspoon once said something about a first love being special and she'd found out the hardest way possible how true that was. She would never stop loving Kid but he was gone and had left her nothing but the boy with the expressive blue eyes. In time little Emma came and she could not have been happier to have a daughter. Her children did more to repair her wounded heart than time or even Lucas' affections could have. Only a few months ago they welcomed Charles named for Lucas' father. Her life was finally happy and she had finally stopped wishing for the silhouette to appear on the horizon.

"Mama! Mama!" her son's voice broke her from her memories and she looked up to see Kid, the older one had dismounted and was squatting next to her concerned and the hands protectively on her shoulders she knew belonged to Lucas. The Kid, her son, ran to her and flopped in her lap. "Mama," he said as if amused by her, "Why are you sitting in the dirt?"

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><p><strong>Wow! I was beginning to think I'd never get the courage to continue this one. I really like it but then it is daunting knowing that I can't wuss out on the emotions that will be addressed here. And she's either going to have to start calling James by his name or some more conventional nickname or we'll have to get used to Kid being called Obadiah. Because Kid the elder and Kid the younger aren't going to keep working. Worked for knights of the round table but I don't think it works so well with the dubious moniker of 'Kid'.<strong>

**I love all of you who are still reading this even though it took me so long to get moving on it again. Hopefully it will not continue to have such droughts on updates. Let me know what you think, please.-J**


	4. Chapter 4

Lou looked at her son and then up at the face her son would someday have. She had long taken solace in knowing so much time could never pass as to wipe his face from her mind as her son would be there to remind her.

"Oh, Mama's just being silly, Kid," she answered the child, "I guess I should move to the porch if I'm going to take a rest."

"Why you crying, Mama?" the boy asked suddenly concerned. His mama hardly ever cried.

"I just thought of something sad," she said and wiped quickly at her tears with the apron that was still tied around her waist. She stood and turned to the boy and motioned toward the man who had once-though she was loathe to admit it-been her entire world.

"Kid," she said to the child though the man still holding his horse's reins looked up as well. "This is Mr. Chase."

She faced her former husband but did not meet those blue eyes.

"Mr. Chase," she said very deliberately and making sure that he knew there was a distinction for her between her beloved husband and the man now standing before her. "This is my son, James."

There was an emphasis on the word 'my' and Kid, the older one visibly flinched but then thought to himself that she could have introduced the boy as their child and not just hers.

Lou looked back to young James expectantly and allowed a smile only when the boy extended his small hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Chase," the boy managed though his halting speech told all that this was a relatively new lesson the child was learning.

The man shook the boy's hand and choked back his own tears to speak.

"The pleasure is all mine, James," he said earnestly, "Believe me."

"James," Lucas finally spoke up and he was only getting a small idea of what was taking place in his own front yard. "Have you seen to your chores yet?"

"No Pa," the boy said and walked off reluctantly toward the barn to see to those very chores.

The three adults were left to sort things out but none of them seemed to know quite how to begin that and so they stood for a while just staring at each other until that seemed awkward and so they all worked at looking at anything but each other for a bit. Finally Lou couldn't stand the tension anymore. It was never her way to avoid action or resolution. In a way that was why she and Kid had finally been able to make it work. She was always ready to get to the heart of every matter while he was willing to take a step back and assess things. She often prodded him into action when he needed it and he calmed her and kept her from rash decisions. In this case, there was no one to moderate her at all except herself but she was in too much shock to act in too harsh a manner.

Without words she walked over to the porch and took a seat and looked patiently at the men who looked at each other blankly before joining her.

"I'm sorry, Lou," Kid said before being silenced by her lifting her hand. It wasn't a threatening gesture, just one that told him to close his mouth.

She then turned to Lucas.

"There's things I probably should've told you," she said to him, "They didn't seem to matter before but then I guess things have changed. I never told you my husband's name. I couldn't bear to speak it, it just hurt too bad."

"Obadiah Chase?" he asked and she nodded. "But you had the telegram, Louise."

"I know;" she said bitterly, "Guess it was wrong."

"So where does this leave us, our marriage?" Lucas asked her.

Kid jumped in.

"Legally, it doesn't change a thing," he said, "We vowed until death do us part and I was declared dead. You married a widow which is perfectly legal."

Kid sat back and noted the way Lucas' arm tightened around Lou's shoulders comforted by the knowledge that he at least had the legal standing.

"I'll admit," Kid went on, "I came here thinking I'd find things as I left them with the only change being my son or daughter in the yard. That was stupid of me, I know. I actually came back over a week ago and left when I saw how you'd moved on. I thought it was best."

He caught the look in her eye and quickly added, "Yeah, I do know better than to decide things like that for you. That's part of why I came back."

"Part?" Lou asked him, "Only part?"

"Well, I kind of wanted to meet him," Kid said nodding toward the barn. "Does he know at all about me?"

She nodded, "I wanted to just tell him Lucas was his father. James was maybe a year old when we first met and I knew he didn't remember a time when Lucas wasn't there. I just couldn't bring myself to do it though. I didn't give a lot of detail but he knew you were gone and with all the others I've lost. I would tell him about you when I told him stories of Ike and Noah."

Kid winced at those names. The years had not dulled the hurt of losing them.

"Jimmy know he has a namesake?"

"Yeah," she smiled a bit at the memory of Jimmy riding up one day when James had been about eight or nine months old. "He's held him even, looked terrified the whole time but he held him all the same. He sends little gifts when he can. I don't think he figures he'll ever have a child his own."

As upset as she was, Lou couldn't help but take notice how the years fell away when talking to Kid about their old friends. With the years went the anger and hurt as well.

No one could think of anything else to say for a little while until Lou once again was the one who couldn't take the quiet.

"What do you want, Kid?" she asked.

"I'm not sure anymore," he confessed, "I know what I wanted when I rode up here a week ago but that's not an option anymore. I just don't know. I want to know James but I don't know if it's right for him to know who I am or not. I want a chance to make up to you a little of the hurt I caused but I don't even know if that's possible. I just don't know."

A cry was heard from inside the house and Lucas looked at Lou before standing up to fetch the child. He paused and said quietly, "Are you sure you'll be alright, Louise?"

"I'm sure," she said and watched him go into the house to see about Charles who had obviously just woken up from his nap. She then turned her attention to Kid.

"I don't know what you want me to do, Kid," she said and it felt strange to her to use the word on anyone but her son.

"I'm not here to win you back," he said, "I don't deserve you. You know I tried to picture how you'd react to seeing me and even without knowing you were remarried, about half the time I imagined it you slapped me across the face and slammed the door on me. I made a choice and it was the wrong one. I have had over five years to figure that out. I don't deserve your forgiveness and I don't deserve your love, not anymore. We were friends once, remember? Even when we weren't together, even when you were mad enough at me to probably think of killing me, even then we were friends."

"I remember," she said, "I remember sometimes what made me maddest was that I couldn't ever hate you. I wanted to so badly but I just couldn't."

"You might have been better off if you could have managed that hate," Kid said sadly.

Lou offered a sad smile and looked to the hill overlooking the house.

"I probably would have," she said, "Doesn't change that I couldn't; still can't."

"You look good, Lou," Kid said after a few moments, "You look happy."

"I am happy," she said, "Well, I was until…and then I guess I am. I don't even know what to think but I am glad you're not actually dead."

"That's one of us," he replied and then thought better of his words. "I'm sorry. I didn't come here to burden you."

"It's not as much a burden as you'd think," she told him.

"Is anyone left from the old days?" he asked although the old days he spoke of were only a few years behind them, they seemed much older and far removed than that, for both of them. It seemed both people on that porch had lived multiple lifetimes in the last five or so years.

"I see Cody and Jimmy from time to time," she answered, "Haven't seen Buck since we left Rock Creek. Cody does from time to time though and he usually writes if he's seen him or had word from him. As far as I know Teaspoon's still holding down the fort in Rock Creek; though it's been a number of years since I've heard from him so Lord only knows."

"So Jimmy and Cody think I'm dead too?"

"They've read the telegram," she said simply. "Neither one of them wanted to believe it but then I didn't either. I spent months looking at that hill thinking I'd see your shape there coming back to me."

"I'm surprised you didn't shoot me when I came here today," he said.

"To be honest," she said, "When Lucas came in and told me the name of the man who was here to see me, I thought to grab a gun. I thought it was some sort of sick joke."

"I guess you could call it that but I think it's one that was played on the both of us."

* * *

><p><strong>Well, this is surprisingly civil. Although I think more of that might have to do with shock andor the proximity of the children. As always, I'm interested in what you all think.-J**


	5. Chapter 5

Lou sat and thought for a moment until the opening of the door brought her from her thoughts. She looked up to see Lucas standing there holding little Charles. She smiled at the pair. Charles was as much the spitting image of his father as her other son was of his. She'd had all sorts of ideas about what her life would be and how no man would ever dictate it but that just seemed impossible. After the telegram she swore she'd take care of herself. She was never going to be the woman who just sat at home and cooked and knitted and waiting for her man to come in from work. Sure she had little James but then one child wasn't that tough to take care of and she could handle it. Then Lucas had come along and she realized how much she had missed a friend. Even when she worked for the Express and did everything a man did, that everything included being friends. It was so nice to not be alone all the time. She and Lucas weren't going to get rich anytime soon but they had everything they needed. And she found a peace in spending her days with her children and cooking and she had even learned to knit a little.

Now she looked up at a sight which was one of her favorites; her kind and loving husband holding their youngest child. She knew what little Charles needed. It was what he always needed when he woke. She stood to excuse herself and then turned to Kid.

"I'd like it if you stayed for supper," she said, "I have to feed the baby right now but I'd like if you didn't go running off."

Kid nodded and snuck a glance at Lucas to see the man's jaw tighten at the invitation. A part of him wanted to decline the invite to avoid a conflict with the man. He seemed a nice guy and Kid knew Lou was better off but he really wanted the chance to see more of his son.

"Supper sounds great," Kid said and watched as Lou followed Lucas back into the house.

Lou took the baby from her husband and went into the bedroom she shared with him. He followed her and sat down on the bed next to her as she undid the bodice of her dress to feed their son. He wanted to talk to her before dinner. There was so much she had not told him. He had never wanted to pressure her to speak to him. Things that hurt her that bad needed to stay in the past and not be brought back to hurt her more. But now these things were sitting primed to hurt her again and not just her. He knew he could be hurt and their children as well, all three of them. Lucas opened his mouth to speak when little Emma came in. She often liked to sit close while Louise nursed Charles and Lou would sing softly to both children. Lucas loved watching the scene of his wife showing such unabashed affection to the little ones. This time however he almost resented the girl's intrusion. Lou looked at him and saw that he needed to speak out of earshot of the little girl.

"Sweetheart," Lou said gently to Emma, "We have a guest. He's on the porch. Maybe you could go and say hi."

Any other near to three year old in the world, Lou thought, and that wouldn't have worked but Emma was a most gregarious child and would always run to meet a new person. Normally Emma's lack of fear of new people frightened Lou but for once she was grateful as Emma would run right out to meet Kid.

Lucas looked at her concerned as his daughter ran from the room and toward the front door.

"It is safe," Lou responded to the unasked question. "He'd lay down his life for me or anyone who matters to me."

"You haven't seen him in more than five years, Louise," he argued, "You don't know where he's been or what he's seen or done. He's not the same man you knew."

"No he's not the same and yet he's exactly the same," she said, "I'd explain it better if I could but I have a lot to work out still."

"Louise," Lucas said, "He wants you back, doesn't he?"

"I don't think he knows what he wants. I don't know what I want and I think the only one here who does know what he wants is you."

Her voice rose slightly as she spoke.

"I love you Lucas, I do," she went on, "I always will but I don't know what to do right now and I can't talk to you about it and I can't talk to him about it and I feel really alone right now."

Tears were sliding down her face.

"I'm sorry," she said through her tears, "This situation is a big mess and you're in the middle and you don't deserve that at all but then none of us really does, I don't think anyway."

"I'll go see how James is doing with those chores," Lucas said standing up and leaving. He was hurting and it was as much from seeing Louise's tears as it was from his own fear that the one thing that ever could take her away from him had come to his front door.

As he walked across the porch he could hear the man who once had, and perhaps still, held his wife's heart talking gently and sweetly to little Emma.

"What is your name, darlin'?" the man was asking. Lucas knew Emma was talkative and spoke many words clearly but rarely did she tell anyone her name. It was a quirk of hers and Louise worked with her daily to at least be able to introduce herself but then she was only two years old. He didn't want to but then Louise would want him to speak.

"Her name is Emma," Lucas informed the man whose face filled with a mixture of understanding, love and sadness.

"Thank you," Kid said, "I probably should have guessed as much."

Lucas looked down and headed to the barn to see to James. He wanted to hate this man, to pull guns on him and chase him off of his land. He wanted to tell him it was too late and Louise had moved on. James was his son and no one else's. Louise loved him and that was that. He was angry at the pieces there were to pick up in the wake of this man's selfish actions. He did not threaten or speak in anger because Louise did not want it. Perhaps she no longer wanted him either, Lucas thought. But there was one thing he knew about his beautiful wife and that was that she had a mind of her own and nothing could make her drive a person from her life faster than being told what she would do with it. He'd made that mistake once when he was trying his darnedest to court her and he considered himself lucky she had given him a second chance. A woman like her needed no man to take care of her. If a man was there only to boss her around and seek her obedience in exchange for being taken care of then he could just move right along. If he offered companionship and partnership then he might just be asked to stay and might even find his way into her heart.

Lucas had learned fast and it was a good thing too. He had been taken almost immediately by those big doe eyes of hers and the more he got to know her, the more he loved her. She was broken hearted when they'd met but scarcely anyone would have known it. He came to visit often and could see how frequently her eyes were rimmed in red. It never stopped her from getting done whatever needed doing and she was slow to open up about her pain. Really all he had ever known was that she'd been married to a man who went off to fight in the War Between the States and that a telegram had come home in place of her husband. Now he found himself wishing he'd pressed for more information.

The worst thing in all of this was as much as he wanted to force this man away at gunpoint; he just had a suspicion that under other circumstances he and this man would be friends. He seemed a decent enough fellow.

* * *

><p>Kid was surprised when the little girl came out of the house and walked over to him.<p>

"Name?" she asked and looked up at him with her mother's eyes.

"Uh," he had to think, "Kid to her was her brother and that left him wondering if he should introduce himself as Obadiah or Mr. Chase. "Obadiah," he said at last thinking he liked the less formal idea.

"Badiah," the little girl tried to parrot.

Kid asked her name as her father came out of the house. Lucas looked like the last thing he wanted to see was his precious little girl with some man he did not know but he answered for the child anyway.

"Emma," Kid repeated. It was all he could do to not break down crying right there as the memories of Emma washed over him. Those had been such simple days. Things had made sense and he had family that loved him. He hadn't messed everything up then. It made sense Lou would name the girl after the woman who had been a mother to her when she needed one so badly. Lou had been so wounded inside when she had joined the Express and Emma seemed to know the balm to soothe everything in her. "Well, that's a real pretty name."

That earned him a smile from the little girl and she was just a tiny little version of her mother. She climbed onto his lap and babbled on happily. Kid understood roughly half of what he was told but made sounds to indicate he was hanging on her every garbled word.

* * *

><p>Lou sat on her bed with her youngest son in her arms. She wished she could be as oblivious to the problems as Charles was. As long as he got fed when he needed and changed when he needed and held when he needed, he was the happiest person alive. She wished the world stayed that simple. It didn't and yet some things really were. She had suggested Emma go to Kid without even thinking about it. She just knew that no matter what the war had done to him, he was still a person she could trust with what mattered the most to her. Hell, he wouldn't let harm come to little Emma even if she was just some child he happened upon and knew nothing of. That's just the way Kid was. She knew she'd have to start calling James by his given name and wondered if the boy would find that odd. Then she wondered how long she could go before she told James that this man was the father of her stories. She had no idea if that was event the right thing to do. He was a happy boy and never seemed to miss the father he'd never known. Of course, he'd always had Lucas there to take him fishing and to call 'Pa'. But maybe he wanted to know the man who'd been half responsible for creating him.<p>

She wanted to be furious with Kid but not only could she never manage that before but it was even less possible since she had looked on her son. There was no way she could ever hate the man who gave her that blessing. But this was not how it was supposed to be. She cursed God for being so late in answering her prayers. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. She'd always tried to be a good person and so had Kid and Lucas was a good man. It made no sense that fate decided to play such mean tricks on them. The tears began. They were the tears she stopped crying before when she was mourning after the telegram came. They weren't the tears to mourn for Kid's death but for the death of that dream they had shared.

They had been so very young and things seemed so simple. There was nothing that could not be for them and then suddenly it was all gone. Every wish, every dream was just gone like the mists that hung in the air vanished with the rising sun, their hope had disappeared and left as little trace.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for the infrequent updates to this one...It's not a lot of fun to write really. I feel compelled but it takes a lot out of me and the sheer emotion is exhausting.-J<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

Kid was certain he'd never endured a more painfully uncomfortable meal. Lucas was almost completely silent and scowling worse than Jimmy used to while Lou was smiling broadly. Too broadly. It was almost creepy the grin she forced on her face.

The boy, James…Lou's son…HIS son…was reserved and confused looking. He was a sharp lad and could feel something amiss as he pushed the peas around his plate absentmindedly. The only person at the table to not feel the strain was little Emma who chattered away in her garbled attempt at conversation.

At long last the meal was over and Kid stood helplessly as Lucas and Lou set to getting Emma and James to bed. It was a finely choreographed routine. Watching them stabbed at Kid's heart.

It should be him working side by side with her. It was meant to be the two of them together against whatever life dealt them. The realization hit him though how completely he had relinquished his right to be the one by her side. For all his high-minded talk of honor and right and wrong, he had dishonored what they had. He had done wrong to the person who most needed someone to trust.

He had seen Lou failed by nearly every person in her life from her parents to the various others she'd trusted. Her mother may have been a good woman but her death still felt like abandonment to Lou. Kid knew that. He knew how tenuous her trust was and he left her anyway. What was he thinking? He shook his head not even remembering how he'd justified the unjustifiable.

She hadn't given her trust to him immediately. He'd earned it. She made him fight for her in ways he never thought he'd have to fight for anyone. But he'd finally passed her tests. It had upset him in the beginning that she didn't trust him. He'd taken in personally.

Of course, once she'd trusted him with her heart, what was the first thing he'd done with it? Yeah, that's right…he crushed it under his boot heels. For all of the fights he and Jimmy had gotten into over Lou, Jimmy wouldn't have done what Kid did. Jimmy wouldn't have left if he had her heart. Not ever. Not if he looked into her big eyes and knew she was counting on him. Jimmy, it turned out, for all his hotheadedness, for as much of a lone wolf as he tried to be…Jimmy had more honor than Kid did. Jimmy had more loyalty. That might have been a hard blow once upon a time but he now knew the world was filled with men far more honorable than he was.

Feeling low and useless, Kid wandered out and sat down in the chair on the porch and looked out into the vast, star littered sky.

"I'd ask what you're thinking but I ain't so sure I really want to know."

Lou's voice behind him startled him and made him jump He hadn't heard the door open.

"It never did bode well for either of us when you got that look on your face."

She tried for a smile but it wasn't genuine and she knew he'd know it. He was beating himself up. His furrowed brow and darkening eyes spoke of anger. Some was at her. She knew that. She deserved it. She was supposed to be there for him to come home to. But then she moved on. He was right to be upset. Mostly, she suspected he was angry with himself. She was angry with him too if she was honest. But she never liked it when he was too hard on himself. That was her job. She was supposed to call him out on his failings, not him. It hurt her when he did it to himself.

"I was just thinking…I'm so sorry," he said. "But then I think how…that's not enough. It's not nearly enough to be sorry. I can't fix this. I messed it up. I'm still messing it up and I can't fix it. I can't make it better."

"It ain't your fault they made a mistake and sent that telegram."

"You begged me not to go," he reminded her. "You pleaded with me. You told me I didn't owe Virginia or the south a damned thing but my good riddance. You told me my family, my future, was right there in Rock Creek. You were right. You were always right, Lou. Everything and everyone I should have been loyal to, everything and everyone worth truly fighting for were right in front of me. And I turned my back and walked away. Anything else that happened could not have happened if I stayed in Rock Creek with you where I belonged."

Lou wanted to argue. She wanted to tell him he was a good man but her own anger surfaced as she recalled her tearful pleas to him to stay and how her heart, her very soul shattered when he left her.

"I'm sorry Lou," he went on quietly. "That's not just an apology…it's a confession too. You deserved better. I thought I could be…but…I was one more person who just didn't do right by you. Sorry excuse for a man. I'm jealous of him. Not because he has you but because he's worthy. I'm glad you met him. He's a good man."

"Yes he is a good man," she said softly. "But so are you."

"I'm not, Lou. I'm not a good man at all."

Lou's breath was taken by the desperate pain in his vivid blue eyes. She wanted to say something. She wanted to make it better. She wanted to tell him things. But he was standing and walking away from her.

"It's been a long day, Lou," he told her. "I'm going to hit the hay. Literally, if you don't mind me bunking down in your barn for the night."

"Of course not, Kid…"

"You should maybe start calling me Obadiah…or something. Good night, Lou."

"Good night."

* * *

><p>Lou could not sleep. She knew she should. Charles would be awake in a couple hours to nurse and it wouldn't even be long after that when Emma and Ki-James would be out of bed as well and it would be time to start breakfast and get bread baking for the rest of the day. Days were full and nights spent not sleeping didn't bode well.<p>

Her mind turned the events of the day over and over. She analyzed every moment from the time Lucas came in to tell her of an old friend he happened upon to watching Kid…the real Kid, walking toward the barn.

There was a time she would have still been ranting and raving at him. There was a time she would have cursed him and maybe even hit him or threatened to shoot him. But she was older now, more mature. She thought about things she didn't before. She thought it might have something to do with being a mother or having gone through all she had. She saw more sides to things. Life was like a box sitting inside another box. From the top of the box, only the top of the inner box and a very little bit of its sides were revealed. In order to truly know anything of the box, a person would need to pick it up, turn it over, look at all sides, feel its weight. She knew that now.

Lou wanted to feel sorry for herself and she knew that eventually she'd have to give herself time to be. Her dreams had come true and her prayers had been answered. Her first love was still alive and right here. But…she was in love with someone else now too. Lucas was good and kind and gentle. He had been there when she had been about the most miserable person to be around. He had helped her with James. He had been patient and a good listener even when she was going on and on about how much she loved someone else. He worked hard to take care of them.

He made their furniture down to the cradle in which Charles was now slumbering. And he surprised her with little gifts. He would carve her small things, things that would only matter to her. One day he brought her a rose he had carved from a piece of maple. It was detailed and lovely but even lovelier were his words. He was no poet but he had his moments.

"I thought about picking you some flowers, Louise," he had said. "Something to equal how beautiful you are to me. But flowers will wilt and die. You've had too much of things dying. You've lost too much. And your beauty will never wilt in my eyes. Neither will this flower."

That was her Lucas. And she did love him. It wasn't the fierce and sometimes incendiary passion she had known with Kid. It was deep and intimate in ways she had never known with Kid. Maybe she would have in time, as they had matured. But she had matured with Lucas. They knew each other inside and out. Their love was in the quiet moments and even the hurried and frantic ones. Sometimes it would be in a look they shared, just a moment caught in time, as they wrangled one child or another into nightclothes. Sometimes their hands would brush as she passed him the salt and Lou would feel the energy pass between them. On her hardest days, days she felt would never end and there wasn't enough of her to go around, days when the sadness would come and try to carry her off with it, those moments would feed her. They would give her the strength to soldier on. And at night, when the children were in bed and the house was still and dark, she could cuddle close to Lucas and he would, without waking even, pull her tight to him and hold her in his strong arms. She was strong and she could do things herself but it was a quiet reminder that she no longer needed to. She had a partner.

Tonight he had needed more from her than he usually did. She knew that. She knew Lucas would need that reassurance that she still loved him. She knew mere words would not be enough so she showed him. There was a twinge of guilt in her as she loved her husband but only a twinge. There was also vindication and satisfaction that she was warm in a bed feeling pleasure while the man who nearly destroyed her slept in the barn…alone.

The haunted look in his eyes as he turned to walk away from her earlier tonight shouldn't bother her anymore. He wasn't really hers to worry for and Lord knew she had plenty on her plate to be concerned with.

But she had seen that look before. She had seen it in the eyes of her brothers and, if she was honest, she had seen it in Kid's eyes too. Before he had left for the war, before they were even married. It was there. It was the look of one who'd seen too much and felt he'd done too little.

* * *

><p>Kid tossed and turned on the bed of straw he'd chosen for his resting place that night. He could have been out under the stars and maybe he should still head that way. He was used to that and he was not used to a roof. He hadn't been in a while.<p>

But there was something in the air that told him it might rain in the night. It was the kind of something that Buck once spoke of. Just a scent or an energy…something Kid, himself might have scoffed at in his earlier years. He'd learned a lot over the last five years. Should he ever be lucky enough to cross paths with Buck again, his Kiowa friend would find a very changed man.

Kid wished he could say he was changed for the better but he wasn't sure that was entirely true. He knew that his greater understanding, or effort at understanding was an improvement. He knew he was a more compassionate person and less judgmental. But then…some things about the man he was still didn't sit right with him.

He'd once felt sure of things. He was sure he hadn't attained what he needed to but he knew the right way to do things. He could see now how wrong he had been. He could see that all those who wanted to tell him that right and wrong weren't the rock solid, immovable concepts he'd believed them to be.

There were fuzzy areas. There were shades of grey that far outnumbered the black and white of nearly any situation. There was good in the worst of people and bad in the best. It had been pride in its ugliest form that had ever shown him different.

Maybe not even pride so much. He wanted for things to be that simple. He had needed answers and not Teaspoon's convoluted and confusing ones either. He wanted something that told him what to do, how to be. He had wanted things that couldn't be. He had been a child and a petulant one at that. He had also been slow to learn. Lessons that he should have picked up the first time took him many, many mistakes and caused others countless heartaches while he stubbornly refused to learn the lessons life needed to teach him.

Oh, but he had learned now. He was wise beyond his years now. And he understood that wisdom came not in knowing all the answers but in being able to discern the questions and admitting that he didn't have the answers and that there might be many answers to the same question.

He remembered Teaspoon telling him once of some great thinker in ages past who proclaimed that all he knew was how much he didn't know. That seemed strange and unwise at the time. Now Kid understood. All that he knew of the world and the people and things in it was and would always be outweighed by the vast expanse of what he did not know. And the more he learned, the more important it was to remember his limitations.

Peering into the darkness of the rafters of the barn, Kid tried to answer the questions that haunted him this night. Why was he here? Did he have a right to be? Did his blood coursing through the veins of a little boy who believed him dead justify the chaos he was injecting into this happy family? Could he even ask Lou to love him again? If she knew the truth, could she ever forgive him?

Finally his thoughts rested on young James. The corners of Kid's mouth turned up in spite of his questions and worries. He had felt his heart swell with love for the lad the moment he laid eyes on him. He was a handsome boy with an easy smile and an energetic manner. He was smart and strong and everything any man could wish of a son.

Kid wanted to be angry and jealous for what Lucas had with the boy. That Lucas was called Pa, that he had been there to quiet nightmares and share in the joyful discoveries of youth. But all Kid could feel was gratitude. He was grateful someone had been there to take care of his boy. He was thankful beyond measure that someone had taken the lad fishing and catching fireflies and sat up counting stars with him.

Mostly he was grateful that James had what Kid had not. James had a father, a real father. He had the kind of father that a boy needs. He had the kind of father who was strict when he needed to be and jovial and kind when he needed to be. He had the kind of father that Kid hadn't truly trusted himself to be.

Kid thought about the happy life his son had known. He wasn't sure he was truly allowed to think of James as his son but he didn't know how else to think about the child who so distinctly bore his face. With thoughts of butterfly chasing and frog catching, he was finally able to surrender to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>I know many thought I had abandoned this story. I had not. I just hadn't found any inspiration for it in a very long time...but one day while on my break at work, it was the story that spoke to me as I stared at the empty pages of my notebook. So here it is. I will try to not be two years between chapters again...in fact, I have the rest of the story outlined!-J<strong>


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